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Worrier to Warrior

My journey of transformation through yoga and therapy: from an insecure girl with identity issues to a centered and confident woman.


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I have always been a worrier. I worry about my future, what people think of me, how I look, if my loved ones are safe and happy...the list goes on. Then at one point, I realized that by constantly worrying about things that I don’t necessarily have control over, I am missing out on the beautiful things that are happening in the present moment.


The Worrier


Looking back, I have carried this “worrier” identity with me since I was around 13 years old. This was what my answer would be when asked what my biggest weakness was. I had a pretty dark childhood and I blamed my weaknesses on that for the longest time. For many years I tried to hide or even erase my past and hoped it would allow me to let go and move on. That was unsuccessful however, as I did not have the tools or resources to work on my issues or emotions.


One summer day in 2019, my husband had a seizure and ended up in the hospital for nearly a week. I witnessed it. It was his first ever seizure and the first time I saw one in real life. Needless to say, it was the scariest moment of my life. He was put on medication which worked well to stop the seizures, but unfortunately worsened his depression. It even changed his personality and for the seven months while he was on this medication, I felt like I had lost my husband. It was almost like living with a stranger.


Finding Therapy...then Yoga


The whole thing was traumatizing and unbelievably stressful. Desperate for help and someone to lean on, I started seeing a therapist in January 2020. The sessions helped me heal from the trauma and also taught me how to be a supportive wife and caregiver, while also caring for myself and my needs. As I grew to be more confident, my husband’s attitude started to change as well. He agreed to switch to a different medication and started to open up to the idea of trying therapy for himself. It did not happen overnight, but I was surprised to see how my growth and strength had a positive impact on my husband.


In January 2021, a year after I started therapy, I enrolled myself in a yoga teacher training course. I had fallen in love with yoga a few years back and knew that I wanted to dive in further. Thanks to the pandemic, the school I wanted to study at in Thailand started offering online courses. I jumped on this opportunity and wow, it has been eye-opening, life-changing, and just purely magical. I feel focused and connected to myself more than ever. I learned to let my emotions flow through while not forming attachments. For the first time in my life, I am happy to be me.


Connecting with My Inner Strength


I used yoga and therapy as a way to keep my sanity but I also wanted to build on that strength I had found inside.”

Prior to finding yoga and therapy, I would worry about literally everything and could not be happy. I spent hours worrying about nothing, days worrying about a single problem, and years worrying about my future. I blamed my past for turning me into such a sensitive and insecure person. I had always thought I was weak, or at least not strong enough. But when faced with the biggest and scariest moment of my life, I found my inner strength. It was a fight-or-flight situation so I went into survival mode every time my husband said he was starting to feel unwell. But even while being in shock, I remained calm and stayed by his side. I used yoga and therapy as a way to keep my sanity but I also wanted to build on that strength I had found inside.


The therapy sessions started out as my healing process to get over the trauma I experienced with my husband’s hospitalization and alarming behavior, but gradually shifted focus to my personal healing and growth. We started revisiting my childhood and unresolved issues from my past. By doing so, I began to understand myself better and let go of the things I had been holding onto for decades. I had found a safe space to talk and connect. I learned that I don’t need to feel responsible for everything and everyone, and that if it is about someone else, I learned to trust that they can take care of themselves. I don’t need to worry or try to fix everything.


Through yoga philosophy, I learned not to identify so much with my physical body or my emotions. Whatever is happening is an illusion of the mind. If you worry that something bad will happen, it will happen. So I learned to simply observe, accept, and grow.


The Lotus Flower


No matter where you come from or what you’ve been through, you can choose to live colorfully and vibrantly.”

As I became more comfortable in my own skin, I decided not to let my past determine who I am or who I will be. I will not let one mistake define who I am. I will not play the victim who blames my insecurities on my past. I am bigger than that. I decided to rise above all the hardships I have faced and accept those as valuable learning experiences on the path of my growth. I like to picture the lotus flower when I think about this- that a beautiful, bright life can arise from the darkest mud. No matter where you come from or what you’ve been through, you can choose to live colorfully and vibrantly. You can still be admired. You can learn to love and accept yourself as you are. It is not always easy and it may take a lot of courage, but happiness is a choice that we can all choose.


I was a worrier, and if I’m being honest, I still am. But I like to think that I am also a warrior, still standing tall after all the battles. I was weak, but I found my strength. I was hurt, but I have healed. I was alone, but I found my place.


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